Before I was ever pregnant, I had this image in my head of what pregnancy and child-birth would be like. In my naïve head, I envisioned my future pregnancy to be blissful. I would be skinny with a cute bump, wear really cute maternity outfits, and gracefully push the baby out like the former figure skater that I was. I would like to slap my pre-pregnant self right in the face and tell her she’s an idiot. It was none of those thing. Not one. While pregnant with Brody I gained 65+ pounds, wore velour maternity jogging suits EVERY DAY to work, and the last 3 weeks of pregnancy, my legs and feet were so swollen I couldn’t even wear shoes. I had to wear mens slippers from Target. I was a hot mess from day 1 to the day they told me my blood pressure was so high I could have a stroke and they needed to induce me. Want to know what my main concern was when this happened? That I hadn’t had lunch and my “last” meal could not be goldfish crackers. Priorities. But I was so ready to have this baby. Game on!!
So I was induced and honestly thought it was pretty easy. That was until a sweet nurse came in and said she was breaking my water. Since Mom’s are always talking about standing up one day and their water breaking I thought nothing of it. All of a sudden home girl comes at me with some spear and I wanted to die. What the actual F!!! It hurt like bitch! But fine, it was done and over. Not the worst thing ever. Until I stood up to go to the bathroom and my Husband and I ended up on a slip n slide ride from amniotic fluid hell! No one told me how much water would be coming out! You would think that’s something they would tell a first time Mom. Just a simple – hey girl, be careful if you stand up because it’s like Niagara Falls down there. Ugh.
Anyways, I get my epidural, and after some scary moments, Brody was born via forceps delivery (OUCH!!) and had a cone head like no other. But I was relieved. Everyone was alive and I didn’t poop on the table. #winningthisparentinggamealready
Fast-forward 18 months. Harper’s pregnancy was much easier. I think it’s because she knew she was going to run me like the Queen that she is and went easy on me. I didn’t gain a ton of weight, I worked out every day, and didn’t swell up like a blow fish. I was so proud of myself, and knew that this birthing experience was going to be great. Plus, I was more concerned with how Brody was going to handle having a baby sister more than anything else.
I was wait listed to be induced (like I wasn’t even cool enough to be on the induction list. I was friggin’ wait listed!) and finally got the call that we were good to go and arrive to at 2AM. Me, my Husband and Mother get to the Hospital, situated in L & D and then started the wait until I was dilated enough to beg for an epidural. Luckily I had my super amazing team with me to keep my spirits up during the process…. ha!
I finally received my epidural, the induction progressed quickly and I was feeling ready. I was laying on my side minding my business when all of a sudden, it sounded like fat bastard walked into my hospital room and dropped a bomb. I was literally in shock and appalled. I looked over at my Mom and Husband and said “Seriously!?! Who was that? That is so gross. I am in labor over here!”
My Mom looked at me and laughed hysterically. She said “Honey, that was you. I think you should call the Nurse and tell her you are about to have the baby.”
Hold the phone. What did you say!?!?! ME?? Dead. I seriously almost died and had an out-of-body experience. How could this happen! This was like the ONE thing that I hoped to God would never happen. Especially with my Husband in the room. But, it’s not my personality to get all embarrassed and cry about it so I called the Nurse and a little too loudly told her I just shit myself and that my Mom said the baby was coming. #mymomwasright
A few minutes later, my Doctor came in and I told her to be careful because I wasn’t sure what was happening down there. She basically told me get over it and give her a practice push…and out came Harper. She was like Heyyyyyyy guys, can I get a bath?? HA!! Poor girl. Mommy loves you!
I honestly look back on both of my experiences and can’t get over how different they were. I was scared with Brody. I didn’t know what to expect and the process was just different from I had ever imagined. I feel the need to share my experiences because no one ever told me that the process isn’t this beautiful blissful experience. Sure, having a baby is totally amazing and such a miracle but it’s also really scary, really painful, and really messy. I’m the type of person that needs to know what to expect. The not knowing kills me. So, if this helps one pregnant Mama to realize you need to expect the unexpected when it comes to having a baby, then this post was a win.